Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
