Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
