My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
