Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize