the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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