Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize