Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm too high and old for this...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Drunk is a universal language darling
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