And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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