I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Semen is not good for contacts.
you had me at cake vodka
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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