i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
