it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
