you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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