I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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