I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
this will be a night to untag.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
