So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
