you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
