You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
