I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
