still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
