So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
