Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Found your dick twin last night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
