Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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