jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
