shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
