how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
