She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
