Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
