how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
