My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
