Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
