We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
