You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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