Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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