I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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