Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
