she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
