I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
