peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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