3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
