Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
