i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize