She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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