I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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