you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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