she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
