I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
