Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
