I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
