Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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