hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
