New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
