i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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