my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
