And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
