he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I deserve this hangover.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
