yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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