I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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