my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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