He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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