So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
