Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
