so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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