i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
