I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
