I hope mine doesn't look like that
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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