just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
