They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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