I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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