god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
