TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
