Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
