Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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