my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
