i permit you to call me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
