He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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