i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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