I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
