You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
