apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
