He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
