Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
