you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
