It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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