You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How external is "for external use only"?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
