It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
