I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
