if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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