Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
