Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
